Generation 1; Chapter 5

"Oh." 



Nilly-Bean,

I am hoping that your father gives this to you when you are old enough to understand!
I did not mean for you to find out this way, but I am not your mother!

Several years after we were married, your father had a whirlwind 'romance'. When I found out I wanted to leave him. He promised that it didn't mean anything and that he only loved me, so I stayed. About a year later a knock on the door changed our lives. The other woman who your father had 'found' was on our doorstep with a baby in her arms. That baby was you. She was crying. She asked us to take you in. She said she couldn't cope on her own. I wasn't too happy with this idea, I wanted children of my own, not some child from an affair! Not to mention how the neighbours would react!

But we took you in. It was so hard to love you when I couldn't even look at you. Your father absolutely adored you. His eyes always lit up when he cradled you in his arms. I just couldn't bear it. 

When we decided to try for a baby of our own I thought it could patch up what happened. So we tried and we tried and it just would not work. I didn't think our relationship could work through this much heartache, so I threw myself into work. Your father had to go back to work, too, so we hired Azure as our nanny. 

It wasn't at first but I started to get feelings for Azure. She made me feel. Of course I still had feeling for your father but I never fully trusted and loved him after what he had done. 

When we got caught I realized that I could not go on any more. I loved Azure and she loved me. I decided it was best that I left. It wasn't fair to you for me to stay. 

I am so sorry! Please don't hate me!
Mum
Sugar

I just- I just couldn't believe what I had read. My Mum wasn't my Mum? Why didn't my Dad tell me? Why was I only finding out about this now!



I ran out of my room and out the front door. I didn't even hear my dad when he tried to tell me to stop. I just ran and ran, not knowing where I was going. 



I somehow ended up at the beach. I had needed time to think, to process it all. Skipping stones into the water calmed my mind just a bit. All that kept going through my mind was that it wasn't possible to have two mothers that didn't want me. Was it? 



I stayed out all night, sleeping on a bench. The morning sun was shining bright on my face. A sinking feeling rolled over my stomach as I remembered the letter. I couldn't forget it all even if I tried.  I thought about going home but I couldn't face my dad. I didn't want to see Drizzle or Alizarin, either. So I just stayed by the beach staring out to sea. 



I didn't know how long I sat there. Minutes? Hours? I heard someone walking behind me. I turned and looked. It was the last person I wanted to face and yet it was the one I wanted to hug to take away the pain. 



"I wouldn't have thought you would come here." 



"Dad, I don't understand!" The tears that I had been holding in started to stream down my face. "What did you do? Why didn't either of them want me?" 

"Listen, I am not going to pretend that I was a good guy. I did mess up, but don't you for one minute think that you are not wanted. I love you, that is all that matters! Both of your mums are idiots for missing out on knowing you. I think it's best that we go home for now, you look frozen." 

As we walked back home in silence, my tears seemed to have stopped rolling down my face. I saw Mocha's worried face as I passed her to go to my room. The room was still decorated with balloons, a sad remnant of what was the happiest I had been in a long time.  



"Did you know?" My voice was barely audible. 

"I don't know what you mean. Where did you go, Vanilla?" She sounded as if she genuinely cared. I was somewhat glad that Dad hadn't told her. I headed into my room without answering her questions. 



Through the door I heard Dad tell her everything. 

"Poor Vanilla! Is there anything I can do?" 

"No, I don't think there is. It's best we just let her have the time to sort out her head. I knew I shouldn't have given her that letter!"

"You did what was best. I am sure she will understand that."

I didn't want to hear any more, so I drowned them out with my MP3 player that Drizzle's family had given me. I stayed in my room for the rest of the day, even ignoring the calls for dinner 'till the night came and sleep came over my body.